Equation for Murder-Suicide

I’m standing here on our lawn, watching as the worms push through the still warm earth. The brutal one hundred degree weather had cooled slightly since the sun went down, but not enough to keep the air from feeling like a heavy down blanket, suffocating anyone stupid enough to stand in it. I suppress my laughter as the worms worked their way through my toes, attacking the ticklish spot underneath my feet. Carefully, I slowly make my way to her window, kneeling quietly so as to not attract the attention of the neighbors, or that of the brunette beauty on the other side of the warped glass window.

“I thought I might be able to get your head right, your heart right, convince you to let him go.” I mumble to myself, as I watch him slide the zipper on your dress slowly down your back.

I watch as he embraces every newly exposed inch of your soft, lightly tanned skin, your silk dress falling, becoming a vibrant red puddle at your feet, contrasting with the dark walnut floor. I can’t believe the ways you are bending, in ways I never thought you could. I can’t believe my ears as the moans filter through the glass, the never ending begging and pleading for more.

“How far will I go to make it feel right? I have to fix this on my own,” I say as I creep closer still to the window.

From my new vantage point, I am close enough to see the way he touched her, his hands gently, reverently running from her feet and across her knees, inside her sweetest spot as he tries to please her. Turning around, I close my eyes tight trying to gain control, but I am no longer capable of control tonight. The image of her with him is seared into my brain as I crawl to the back window; the one I knew would be open since I never took the time to fix it. Sliding effortlessly through the opening, I stand quietly in the living room, “this used to be my home.” I think to myself, as I take in the lack of pictures. It's almost as if she has simply moved on, erasing me from every aspect of her life in the process. I turn the knob to what used to be the office, using only two fingers in order to be slow enough that I can sneak in with the shadows, adding to the darkness and gloom. I had some sick need to see this happening. The clapping of skin on skin assaults my ears as he pushes himself so deep inside her, the sound bouncing off the wooden walled room. In that moment, everything goes blank and the only thing I see is the color red as I walk, calmly, numbly beside the bed.

“Edward,” she says between shaky breaths, confusion coloring her voice.

“I know I’m not allowed to be here. I just had to see how well your new man really fucks you because you have both been fucking me. I’ve planned something you both can do as a pair,” I say, tying the blindfolds tight around his eyes to block his stare. “I don’t want to alarm you, but I figure we can end this in a way that seems easy, quick and painless.”

I turn to face him, placing my pistol to the soft spot on the side of his head, noting briefly the contrast of the silver barrel against his shiny brown curls, slick with sweat. “I’ll get down to business, I choose you first. I’m sure you can feel the gun at your head. So laugh at me one more time, but keep your face turned toward the bed.” I turn my attention to my wife, “Sit there and watch me while I do this, and learn from what I’ve said.” I cock the pistol, pull the trigger, and all I see is red.

I relish in the screaming. "It’s nice to see you scared of your weak and stupid husband who knows you never really cared."

“I’ll leave you with a question, one that I need to hear from you. Was all this worth it, now that you know you only have seconds left to live? Now think about your answer, and lie face down on the bed.” I cock the pistol, pull the trigger, and all I see is red, too impatient to listen to her mumbled and forced answer.

I gently stroke her arm as she lies lifeless on her back, mumbling to myself, “Replace my heart, ‘cause I’m convinced mine broke the day I let us end. I don’t want to live by coping, I’m done with hoping, end.” I place the barrel in my mouth, and all I see is black.