Falling Forward Chapter 4

(BPOV)
I pushed away from Edward when I realized the song had ended.
"Edward, you're right. You have two great friends that would do anything for you and an amazing fiancée who absolutely adores you. Why would you risk losing all of that just to see where one choice might have led you?" I asked, not feeling very comfortable with this conversation.
"Because the choice I want to redo wouldn't have changed my location or my major, but it might have made me happier. Please don't take that the wrong way, I love Alice and she makes my life a more beautiful place than I could imagine, but I still wonder what could have been if I hadn't been such a coward," he said, still not looking at me.
"Edward, I don't believe you're a coward. You are one of the bravest people I know. You stood up to your parents, who honestly scare me, when they wanted you to get a medical degree, and you proved everyone wrong when you graduated with a degree in biomedical engineering and a certificate in computer forensics. But what does your assumed cowardice have to do with whatever small decision in your life you're talking about?"
"Do you remember that month during junior year, when neither of us thought our relationships would survive Thanksgiving break?" he asked, stopping to give me a second to remember.
When I nodded, he continued. "I was going to ask you on a date, but couldn't get over how afraid of you I was. I watched as you threw anything you could get your hands on in Jasper's direction, waiting for a lull that lasted longer than the thirty seconds it took for him to say something to piss you off again. When a lull happened, I would have the conversation with you in my head so I could build up my courage. When I went to finally ask you out, Jasper had fixed whatever it was that was wrong, with his southern charm no doubt, and I lost my chance. I've spent the last six years hoping he would mess up again and I would get my chance with you, but when that never happened I accepted the almost happy life that was in front of me and proposed to Alice."
I stood there, slack-jawed, staring at his profile against the night sky. I didn't have any idea what I should say to that sort of confession.
"Edward, I honestly can't come up with anything to say to you. I'm confused and shocked. I am sorry that you feel like you are settling with Alice, but there is no way I could hurt her or Jasper just because you think we could be happy together. I love Jasper as a best friend, and someone I could spend the rest of my life with if the opportunity arose. I truly am sorry, Edward," I said as I walked away toward our table to find Jasper.
I was ready to go back to our room for the night. Jasper and Alice weren't at the table or on the dance floor, so I sent Jasper a text letting him know I was heading back to the room and that I would see him when he got in. I looked up from my phone as I passed through the doors to the entrance of the gymnasium and saw my two best friends sitting on the floor surrounded by objects, obviously thrown in anger. I sat down next to Jasper and saw the saddest look on his face that I have ever seen.
"Romeo, what's wrong?" I asked, worried that I had done something to hurt him.
"Nothing is wrong, Chickadee. Are you heading back?" he asked, forcing a smile.
"Yeah, I don't feel like socializing anymore tonight. Are you going to stay for a bit?" I asked, looking at the hem of my dress intently.
"I'll probably stay for a little bit longer. I want to catch up with Edward before calling it a night. I'll text you when I'm on my way back, okay?" he responded, some of the sadness disappearing from his expression.
"Okay, I'll see you when you get back." I said, placing a chaste kiss on his cheek before collecting my stuff and standing up.
"Alice, do you want to come back with me? We can get drinks from the bar and do makeover's if you wanted to," I suggested, just wanting my happy, go-lucky best friend back.
"No thanks, Bella. I think I'm going to go catch up with Angela before heading back. I'll make sure the boys get back safely," she said, not looking up from the spot where her engagement ring sat.
I nodded and made my way through the parking lot to Jasper's Ford Mustang. The entire ride to the hotel, I couldn't get the images of my friends' faces out of my head. I walked through the lobby and up to the room on autopilot, thinking about the month in junior year that Edward was talking about and this one night. They were too similar for my taste. I closed the door to our room and sank down to the floor in front of it. I should have known when Edward wanted to talk alone tonight it was going to cause a mess bigger than either one of us could clean up. That month was one of the most stressful and emotionally draining, because none of us were willing to talk to each other about what was bothering us. I couldn't go through that again, and I certainly wasn't willing to lose three of my closest friends because Edward thought he could make me as happy as I made him. Knowing that I had to talk to someone before I shut down, I sent a text to Jasper.
J, please come back to the room. I need to talk to my best friend. B
I managed to make it from my spot on the floor to the bed before the tears got bad enough to prevent me from seeing. I lay in the middle of the bed and cried until I fell asleep. I woke up briefly to my phone vibrating with a missed call from Jasper and several texts letting me know that he was on his way before crying myself back to sleep.
The next time I woke up Jasper's strong arms were wrapped around me, creating a comforting bubble where we just existed and no one's opinions mattered but our own.
"Chickadee, please talk to me. I hate seeing you cry, especially when I don't know who to beat up."
I took a few deep breaths to calm myself down and stated in a matter of fact tone, "I'm going to end up losing you, Alice and Edward."
"Well, yeah. Eventually we all die, but unless you have some freaky power that lets you see the future, that won't happen for a few more years. Is this why you are so upset?" he asked, rubbing his hands down my arms in a calming motion.
"Well, I know we're all going to die eventually," I said rolling my eyes and adjusting in his embrace so I could see his eyes. "But I was talking about as friends. Whatever is eating at us will just keep growing until we get sick of each other and this little spat explodes. You had better not try and tell me that there is nothing wrong, since you and I both know damn well that there is."
"Okay, if I tell you what's been bothering me, you have to promise not to get mad." he said looking apprehensive.
I nodded, letting him know I wouldn't get mad, but I didn't like where this conversation seemed to be heading.
"Alice and I overheard part of your conversation with Edward after we finished dancing. We didn't hear a lot of it, but what Alice heard shook her up and I don't know how to react to what I heard. I'm sorry if my behavior tonight caused you to think that I was ending our friendship. I just want you to know that the only way our friendship is ending is if one of us dies or you tell me to leave."
"What did you and Alice hear?" I asked, fighting with the tears that threatened to fall.
"Alice was there for the very beginning, leaving after Edward asked you if you ever thought that you could be happy if you had done things differently. I left after hearing you tell him that even if you had picked a different school I would have come with you, which made me really happy until reality reminded me that, for you, that could be a good thing or a bad thing. I decided that I would ask you about it when we got back to the room and then went to see if Alice needed help," he said, honesty written all over his face.
I smiled, realizing that this might not be as bad as I thought and rested my head against his shoulder. "Romeo, I will always want you with me. You were there as my world crashed down around me and you even came with me when Charlie sent me to live with my aunt in New Hampshire. Please don't leave me; I need you more than I think anyone realizes," I said, fighting off a yawn at the end.
"Relax and let yourself sleep for a while, Chickadee. I promise I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right here when you wake up," Jasper whispered as I felt my eyes fall closed.
I woke up to the smell of Chinese food, tide detergent and Zest soap. I smiled and looked around, trying to find the source of the unusual smell since neither Jasper nor I was a fan of Chinese food. Jasper's arms were still wrapped securely around my waist and a smile spread across his face as I adjusted for what could have been the twenty-seven thousandth time since we had settled down last night.
"Chickadee, what are you doing up? It's only been two hours," Jasper said sleepily, still not opening his eyes.
"Romeo, I hate to burst your bubble, but it's been somewhere around ten or eleven hours." I stopped to look at our phones, which were both blinking with unread messages. "Alice has left you like, a thousand messages, and I have quite a few from Edward. Can we skip the events today and just hang out here? I may slap him if he tries to talk to me right now."
Jasper laughed, his voice still laced with sleep. "We can do anything you want today as long as you curl up with me for another couple of hours."
I shook my head as I fell back into his embrace. "You are one of the laziest people I know. Do you know what this reminds me of?" I asked, staring at the ceiling.
"No, but I'm sure you're going to tell me since you seem very much awake."
"Do you remember the fourth of July we spent in New Hampshire with Emmett and Rosalie?"
"Yes, I wouldn't be surprised if those two ended up in jail for some sort of trouble," Jasper said, laughing as we both started to remember that summer night.
It was the fourth, and a group of us were going to the high school to watch the fireworks. Jasper was going to pick up Emmett, Rose, Royce and Maria while I packed what I thought we would need. I grabbed the chairs from the mud room and packed several snacks since Emmett could out-eat all of us and food at the fireworks was just plain expensive. We had one cooler already in the trunk with at least three different types of soda and even a six pack of beer I found in the closet. Harry must have left it there after one of the cookouts they held for the police department; I knew he wouldn't notice if it disappeared. Peter and Charlotte, my cousin and his girlfriend, were going to meet us at the field after helping my aunt and her crazy best friend close down their pottery store for the night.
When Jasper pulled into my driveway, with a breath-taking smile plastered to his face, I jumped off of the steps. I loaded the cooler and chairs into the trunk before climbing into the front seat between Jasper and Rose. The ride to the field was short, but we learned a lot about what the good police of Peterborough will let you get away with. In the fifteen minutes it took us to get there we passed four cops and not one of them pulled us over for having more people in the car than there were seatbelts, although that was not the only thing we should have been pulled over for.
Once we arrived at the fireworks, we set up at the bottom of this small hill away from the families that had little kids, because they were sure to complain about the activities the eight of us had planned. I sat comfortably against Jasper's chest, watching as the kids played catch and chased each other through the crowd, smiling as I remembered the days when the eight of us were doing the same thing. I heard a chuckle from behind me as I realized that without consciously being aware of it, I had closed the lid of the cooler on Emmett's hand as he tried to sneak one of the beers.
"Awe, come on Little B, I just wanted one," Emmett whined while nursing his hand.
"Not until it's dark. I am not going to see if we can get arrested tonight. My dad would have a coronary," I said, smiling angelically.
"You and your rules," Emmett huffed as he sat back into his chair and pulled Maria into his lap, making her giggle.
Japer leaned his head down to kiss the crown of my head. "Well I happen to like her rules since none of us are facing jail time…yet."
We sat in a comfortable silence as the sun set deeper into the sky and parents began to corral their kids before the fireworks started. When the first firework was set off, I jumped. It wasn't a little surprised jump either, I was a foot into the air. Jasper ran his hands across my back in a soothing motion and handed me his iPod and noise cancelation headphones. I smiled gratefully at him and turned on some Linkin Park while I watched the beautiful display in the sky.
Our laughter was interrupted by a loud and fast knock on our door. I untangled myself from the sheets and Jasper's arms, only tripping once on my way to the door. When I opened it I found a very distracted Alice, who was ready to use my forehead as the door when she went to knock again.
"Alice…" I stopped talking when I saw her expression. She still had her make up on from last night, mascara tear streaks and all. "Alice, do you want to come in? Jasper and I were about to watch a movie but I'm sure he wouldn't mind it becoming girl time."
Alice walked silently into the room and sank down to the floor, looking as exhausted as when we were still taking finals.
"Damn, Ally, did you sleep at all last night?"
She shook her head and tilted her head at Jasper as if asking him a question.
"Alice, we promised each other when we became friends that there would be no secrets between us. I know you heard the beginning of the conversation with Edward; Jasper and I have already talked about it. Do you want to hear what happened or are you going to ignore Edward and I because you think there is something going on when there really isn't?"
She looked at me, tears ready to fall over her long brunette lashes. "You're right, there shouldn't be secrets and I shouldn't block you out if you're willing to tell me what happened, so go ahead and tell me."
I sat down next to her and Jasper moved to the edge of our bed, ready to back me up if I needed it. I told her the about the entire conversation, and waited for her to start yelling that she hated me or something ridiculous like that, but instead she picked herself up, wiped her eyes, hugged me and merely stated, "If he thinks he's settling with me then I'll show him what settling can be like…damn fool," before walking out of our room and back to hers.